


A Court of Golden Light

by proof_i_read_too_much



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Boredom, Elucien - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Feyre Archeron/Rhysand Fluff, Hybern, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Other, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, POV Feyre Archeron, Tamlin The Tool, do be, hitting hard, lol, mentions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:41:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25499245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/proof_i_read_too_much/pseuds/proof_i_read_too_much
Summary: So, basically I'm too impatient and need something to help my book hangover from rereading the series. I also really don't vibe with the Elain/Azriel romance shipping cause I think that all three of them deserve to be happy and with their mate (ps Az needs a mate) and am super bored and cant emotion so this is my substitute? will switch between povs until further noticeAlso this takes place like after the whole "Go with Cass to the Ilryians" conversation and theyre mentioned but I don't wanna go crazy cause tHE BOOKS ALMOST OUT LIKE NOT REALLY BUT CAN YOU WAIT? I CANT! HOW EXITING IS THE PROSPECT OF MORE CONTENT?? post at least every other day most likelyalso like gonna be switching between feyre, rhys, lucien, and elains pov's for now (maybe anothers later idk) or an omniscient one with non-fae povs. idk just made sense to me when i wrote it but yeah its weird just go with it? loll
Relationships: Amren/Varian (ACoTaR), Cresseida/Morrigan (ACoTaR), Elain Archeron/Graysen, Elain Archeron/Lucien Vanserra, Feyre Archeron & Morrigan, Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Helion/The Lady of the Autumn Court (ACoTaR), Lucien Vanserra & Vassa, Nesta Archeron/Cassian, Nesta Archeron/Tomas Mandray
Comments: 39
Kudos: 56





	1. Prolouge

**Author's Note:**

> So, basically I'm too impatient and need something to help my book hangover from rereading the series. I also really don't vibe with the Elain/Azriel romance shipping cause I think that all three of them deserve to be happy and with their mate (ps Az needs a mate) and am super bored and cant emotion so this is my substitute? will switch between povs until further notice  
> Also this takes place like after the whole "Go with Cass to the Ilryians" conversation and theyre mentioned but I don't wanna go crazy cause tHE BOOKS ALMOST OUT LIKE NOT REALLY BUT CAN YOU WAIT? I CANT! HOW EXITING IS THE PROSPECT OF MORE CONTENT?? post at least every other day most likely
> 
> also like gonna be switching between feyre, rhys, lucien, and elains pov's for now (maybe anothers later idk) or an omniscient one with non-fae povs. idk just made sense to me when i wrote it but yeah its weird just go with it? loll

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The Son of Day

╚═════☩══✦══☩═════╝

**Four Months After the Winter** **Solstice**

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

The day’s light would always go out making sure to leave its lingering beauty even after the sun had dipped below the horizon. Even in the Night Court, the soft beams washed the sprawling city in a crisp golden hue. This was the last, magnificent breath of Day, rustling the leaves before turning in at night. One might think that the Night Court would be ill-fitted to showcase the grandeur of the day, but Velaris was able to compliment any special type of beauty. “Multifaceted,” is what the High Lord would say.

The lone figure strolling through the streets on their way to an innocuous little town house would have to agree. An exile as he would call himself- and the unknowing heir to what will one day be an open title. The male was what most would consider handsome enough, and what the High Lady would consider, “A good male to make portraits of for some mortal girls to swoon over and be less fearful of the Fae,” but in this special time of day, well let us just say it was if his father very well could have crafted this time when his only son was born so every day, he would shine even brighter than usual. Perhaps a beacon to the bastard who played father, meant so that the radiance could not be ignored for a moment before nightfall and show, for however brief a time, the world whose child it really was.

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

┏━⋅✦⋅━┓

**Rhys**

┗━⋅✦⋅━┛

“It’ll be okay, darling,” a small sigh came from my mate as I stroked my fingers through her hair. _Cauldron skin and fry me, I could spend all day simply just admiring the way her hair flowed, the millions of shades it could be depending on the lighting-_

“Leave that stuff to me Rhys,” Feyre’s laugh was still the most beautiful sound as she teased me. “I’d like to see you paint a simple cloud much less another’s hair. Or eyes or anything really.” The warm amusement shot at me made my heart sing and glow with joy. I still could not fathom how lucky I was. Although, I would have to make peace with a shit for brains idiot bastard soon.But for now I would welcome these moments with my family before the hardest parts came. The war was near impossible but it was a fair fight. Now we would have to spend time in the company of both humans and fae we did not particularly enjoy.

"I seem to recall I was quite good painting you that night..." Feyre's body vibrated just slightly as I spoke, a soft and breathy squeak rattling in her chest. 

“You know, he was my first real friend I ever made on both sides of The Wall.” Feyre’s voice was quiet now, anxious and somber. My entire person switching in an instant to be what she needed most from me then. Silent, seeing if she wished to continue or stop the discussion. “And you know, he can’t be blamed anymore for the things he failed to do. Because in regards to our friendship I failed him and I need to be forgiven. I don’t want to lose his friendship.”

“I think we might have more progress with Nes being away and unable to disrupt everything with her hostile thoughts of maiming and killing being sent to everyone.” That incident could really only be laughed about. The sheer amount of tension in the room when Lucien and Nesta had accidentally crossed paths after we had had our… talk with Nesta and Lucien had arrived early had nearly drowned us all. A snort that was unbefitting a High Lady but still perfect came from the figure now settling besides me on the bed.

“You didn’t even need a daemati or bond to hear her thoughts loud and clear.” The rich chuckle was laced with the pain and sadness Feyre still felt at the thought of her sister being in the Steppes and pointedly ignoring her. I understood completely. But she knew that. So I would let her laugh it off until Nesta was something she was ready to talk about.

“Nope.” My trademarked smirk sent a wave of contented love washing through the bond between us. “I could have been buried beneath fae-bane and incapable of accessing my powers and I still could have seen exactly what methods of killing she was fantasizing about and was broadcasting. Are you ready?”

At that moment the melodic chiming announcing a visitor rang through our manor house. “Saved by the bell!” Feyre pressed her lips to mine for a second before hurrying to answer the door. I can hear the faint sounds of discussion from who ever it is and then her voice echoes through the bond. _"It’s Az, he says that Lucien forgot that we had moved and is at the town house. You want to winnow or fly?” Squaring my shoulders, I prepared myself to make a crazy proposition that just might salvage the world."_

“Up to you, my High Lady. You are the one that ultimately has to convince him to declare his allegiance to this court after telling him the truth.” I almost felt sorry for the poor bastard. What we had to tell him would shake his world and foundation to the core.

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•


	2. Chapter One

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

┏━⋅✦⋅━┓

**Feyre**

┗━⋅✦⋅━┛

His tanned face is utterly drained of color. The only noise is the soft whirring of his metal eye and for a moment, I worry about the lack of breath from everyone in the room. _Please say something- anything really. Yell and scream at me, hate me but please don’t shut me out._ I don’t want to lose one of my first friends completely. I could withstand his anger and contempt as then he could maybe see past that but how will I make this right if he leaves and truly becomes an exiled ghost.

 _It’s technically a title he gave himself. He was offered repeatedly a place amongst us but he left and chose his little club._ My mate’s eye glinted with trepidation as well but beneath that there was that endless care and love only few could see.

 _Yes, but when that happened I still harbored a miniscule grudge against him and he knew. There's no way he couldn’t have not picked up on that. I think he left because he had been given a job that came with an offer of more and yet turned out to be a nightmere._ I guessed Lucien knew we were communicating silently but he still didn’t respond or even acknowledge where he was.

 _Love, you had reason to still feel betrayed that he hadn’t done- was unable to- do more. Do not feel so guilty._ A caress and pulse of pure light made its way down the bridge between our souls and I let myself relax the tiniest bit. 

And yet I am reminded of how when he had gone, any small victories Elain had made had vanished. She lost the weight she had begun to gain back and wouldn’t crawl out of bed for a week. Az and I had been able to get through to her and with the help of my little air pockets, she confessed why it was so excruciating at first.

 _“I have no sense of reality and what mate means. I have lost everything I once knew and am thrown out into this world I am not equipped to deal with. I cannot even think about what I want with a so called mate, yet I cannot bear the thought I have lost something more valuable than anything before I even knew it was there.”_ The memory of Elain’s weeping and her fear and grief rose and crashed in me. I am not the only one with much to lose if Lucien gets up and leaves.

Every part of me itches to do something but I find a way to restrain myself. Give it time, let him process and come to terms with this.

“How do I even know- how do you guys know for sure?” My eyes met violet and I swallowed and continued with the story. “

You know Bryxais?” Okay then I'll take that shudder as a yes. “We have a little arrangement that we go and keep him company. It mentioned you. It said you were ‘the Sun King’s child- son of pure daytime’ and I don’t know because I was shocked at the confirmation that I left immediately. Which led to me having to visit them twice.” My voice is strained but to his credit, Lucien smiles at my weak attempt at humor.

Rhys settled a hand on the small of my back. “We didn’t want to spread the word with so much undone needing to be put together. And we all needed time to do what must be done to personally recover from the, you know, whole deal.” That got me a nod. A stunned if not dejected nod.

But before I can register the words flowing from my tongue, I blurt out what we wish to discuss. “Look I am so so sorry for not telling you earlier- we were all a little lost and honestly I wanted you to have some time before dropping this onto your shoulders.”

“Better knowing then than knowing you kept this from me for so long with… what reason? What's the excuse of omitting this somewhat crucial bit of information about my existence for months?” His gaze wasn’t angry, the words not holding any of that scathing wit that made him so, him. His singular eye held pain and most worrying of all no trace of hope.

“What my mate is trying to say,” the voice wasn’t any of his usual High Lord tones. Instead it was the perfect blend of conciseness and empathy and openness. “We did what we then thought was best for you and Prythian but we had another option and should have done better. Do right by you.”

“It would be fair. I have only inflicted pain on those I pretend to care about and what you did was more kindness I deserve.”

I did not accept that statement. “You are so fucking wrong,” my hiss shakes him out of the trance he seemed to be in when he first learned of his heiritage, “We need your help in this, we cannot have this or the situation in the Illryian territories get any worse. We cannot risk any more conflict. And back the ideals you fought for. And the thing with Helion will be solved once we all find a way to get Tamlin to stop ruining everything we fought and died for.”

“I’m busy aiding Vassa’s court in helping the humans. Besides why the hell do you think I would have any effect on Tamlin? He surely hates me now, if he didn’t before. This is insane.

“He disrupts peace and is an abusive bastard. And we need him to stop inciting feuding and get on the wagon with this situation. It’s bad Lucien,” Rhys’s voice cut in. “Vassa and Jurian haven’t told you everything. We need help before more innocents die. We cannot have another conflict- it might just destroy Prythian from the inside.”

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

Across the most of the continent, on what was once a small strip of land allotted to humanity, an ancient legend and a cursed queen sat around a fire. They appeared to be as different as could be. The infamous general was near to the fire’s warmth as the nights still dipped into frigid temperatures, but the queen without a throne had no need- she had her own fire inside her. The male took another deep gulp from an old bottle, while the female lounged gracefully in a chair with a glass of wine, poised and elegant.

“Little Lucien is up at his mate’s house.” This voice floated on the melodic crackling of flames back to the shunned queen. “It was getting tiring keeping him so in the dark and obsessed with the most menial chores. Thank the Cauldron we have ourselves a little break from all that mess.”

The now human queen just gave a noncommittal hum. She was torn because she liked that Autumn male, liked the fire inside him that mirrored her own. She still foolishly longed for the times right after the second war where there had purely been new friendship and the promise of a future of one's own making. Back when they had given themselves the name of “Band of Exiles.” Now that idiot High Lord kept neglecting his duties and tension was getting to an all time high.

“It’s not as though I enjoy deceiving our friend,” he went on, “But we cannot have him knowing how bad it is. We are not in a position where his conflicting allegiances can be spared time.” “I think he has the same goal. To see it resolved with as minimal loss of both human and Fae life possible.” “But he is estranged friends with the idiot flower boy, has relations to two High Lords and their courts, not to mention whatever else might come along with all this crap.”

“He holds no loyalty to his father, or brothers for that matter. As long as his mother is safe.” The mortal queen let the end of the sentence trail off at her counterpart’s face.

“And his mate, who was one of that bitch of a Priestess’s victims that just so happened to be with the Spring court, is the High Lord of Night’s sister in law. Not to mention he has quite a rapport built up with the High Lady.”

“Oh please you told me yourself - and so did he- that there was nothing there between him and Feyre, they were friends and she used him to appear that there was an affair to get under her ex-lover’s skin.” The queen was growing weary of this conversation and made to turn in for the remainder of the night. It would be only a short time before the curse flared and she would be forced to burn once again.

“I get it. You don’t like this- neither do I. But ultimately he will have to die and as awful as the prospect is neither of us can shy away from it. I need to know that you will be able to deliver the killing blow should it fall into your hands.” These words followed the cursed queen down the hall where the fiery pain of daylight sun awaited.

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soooo... its five am and I havent sleept in a day already and couldn't get outta bed so i impulsivly have decided to upload randomly now im insane that is all au revior yall

**Chapter Two**

:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

┏━ ⋅ ✦ ⋅ ━┓

**Lucien**

┗━ ⋅ ✦ ⋅ ━┛

I awake from the pulls of sleep, haunted by all the memories of my childhood. Mother above I wish Feyre were wrong. But looking back on it… It would explain a lot. From the way my father had always loathed me even when I was too young to understand why I was never as good as my brothers, to their own contempt. Beron must have suspected. And this would explain why I was always such a part of the political competition to be successor despite my best efforts to not get involved. And the way my mother had always nurtured me in a way that went beyond what anyone else had seen. I was the product of her happiness. 

_No more._ I throw on some clothes and head outside. Feyre and Rhys had insisted I stay in the riverside house for at least the night. I would have left for one of the perfectly suitable inns throughout the magnificent city had it not been for the look on Feyre’s face. As if she actually cared what I did after what I put her through. But her sister was shackled to me by an unwanted mating bond and I owed it to them to do what they wished for a night. Wouldn’t kill me. Most likely. 

“Hey. Where are you going?” A soft voice sounds from the top of the staircase I had just descended. I turn, surprised that my movements had even been detected. My head whips around and I see her standing there. Elain. 

And as her scent washes over me, my innermost selves begin to rage within once more. The primal part of me cries out the bond begging to be closer to her. The other side of me is horrified again. I was never supposed to have any bond snap in place- Jesminda and I hadn’t had it show itself before and after I never expected anything like it. The one who was supposed to be my mate had died. I didn’t feel guilty about anything after, I knew nothing would be the same and that was fine. And then Elain had come out of the Cauldron soaking wet and suddenly my life and love hadn’t even been fully real. You don’t get two mates which meant- I did not want to be near her but I couldn’t just ignore her. 

“Just need fresh air.” I manage to choke out. _Please let it seem I am just nervous about being near my mate, the way a schoolboy might crush on someone._ I don’t want her to know the truth. Sure there had been others after Jesminda, although for the first decade and a half or so, my duties as Tam’s emissary was the only thing keeping me going. It had meant to be me not her to face the wrath of my horrible father. Or not father. 

“Lucien?” my name on her soft petal lips is my undoing. Quickly I stutter out something of an excuse and an apology and rush out the door, tripping as I go. Fuck this. I manage to stagger all of a few feet before my coughing is apparent to the entire deserted street. I feel gentle hands pull at my loose hair and a soothing voice. 

“Please,” my voice is pleading and I have to get away from this its all too much and all too confusing. “I am fine but please I need space.” 

Her voice is low, and smooth. “Are you sick? What’s wrong? Why are you out at in the middle of the night throwing up on the front steps.? Surely I can’t disgust you that much.” 

Despite the soft laughter at her attempt to amuse… me? Herself? Smooth over this entire mortifying solution? “No. No it’s absolutely got nothing to do with you.” My voice is stronger now, although my throat is raw from the acidic bile that just went- “I am so sorry about your hydrangea bush.” 

“Don’t worry abou- How do you know what a hydrangea is? I didn’t know until I began going through books in the library when planning the garden.” 

“You can’t really work for years at the Spring Court without knowing about every variety of garden plant. Besides, right after the masquerade, I convinced Tam to let go of a large chunk of the staff that wasn’t vital and offered to take up the groundwork. The work was also helpful to adjust to my current situation.” 

Her eyes as a soft doe brown and face lined with confusion and suddenly I am laughing. Of all the inappropriate times. “I’m sor, I am so sorry- it's not you. Just, Feyre never told you?” 

“Told me… what?” I suppose I dug myself this grave. And yet… With the Spring Court come bad memories uncovered for all of us. And I just. I am at a loss for words. Like a deer frozen before it’s last moments, I just stand there. 

“Well, well, well.” I do recognize that drawling voice and for once am so grateful for it. “If it isn’t the snarky fox, the clever sharp tongued emissary unable to formulate words. I- ow!” 

“Ignore him Lucien. He doesn’t want to behave like a civilized friend tonight for some reason. Or morning its so early or late I can’t tell.” Feyre's hand still hovered over the back of her mate’s head, ready to smack him. “Walk with me? You forgot your bag so sorry but you will have to talk with your dear, reckless friend before disappearing into the night.” The grin flashed in the moonlight street and I found myself unable to say no.”

:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

┏━ ⋅ ✦ ⋅ ━┓

**Feyre**

┗━ ⋅ ✦ ⋅ ━┛

“I wouldn’t have just disappeared without thanking you for your hospitality. And I was not sneaking out to see her, although I do apologize. Please you can use that weird mind meld thing and see- though I do apologize for making it so that you and Rhys thought you had to save her. I would never let harm come to anyone you cared about.” 

“Forget it, Lucien. I believe you. Besides, it seemed that you were the damsel in distress and I was coming to your rescue from a very awkward conversation.” At this moment, it is like there is no baggage to our friendship as he grins back at me, no doubt going to make a retort. “And it was also clear you aren’t ready for that conversation and I am not about to force you into anything.” But there is things to clear between the two of us and I want them cleared away so we can have moments like this. 

“You are a better friend to me than I to you,” I remember something along these lines being said, back when I was spy, the wolf. “But please. Just do it I can’t.”

At his pleading gaze I surrender. I understood. He couldn’t afford anything else remotely confusing after the bomb I dropped on him today. Yesterday. “Okay. Are you sure?”

At his stiff nod, I let my talons gently caress the edge of his consciousness, waiting. Clearly he had been expecting the ripping force and tight grip of Rhys’s from that hellhole. I shudder at the thought and force the memories that rise away. 

And I am in his mind. And once again I am overwhelmed with the barrage of thoughts, and memories. Sorrow and guilt, so much guilt. And what must be a conversation with the Lady of the Autumn Court, his mother.

_“Jesminda is my mate, Mother.” A young male that must be Lucien kisses the Lady’s fair brow as he moves her gently aside. “And as soon as we escape to where we are free to live in love, the bond will surely snap into place.”_

_“Take this, then, my darling.” A ring worn on a chain tucked between the neckline of her dress and her full lush skin is tugged out. “It was your aunt’s. It is meant to be a wedding band for her child.” Lucien’s eyes widen - he has two russet jewels, no flash of gold but instead radiant with love- and he accepts the offering. “Shhh. My child, it is yours to give to your mate. Do you hear me? It is for true and pure love. Not an arrangement of business sweetheart. It is fitting you are the one who hears the importance of love….._

Suddenly I am back in my own thoughts. Reeling, I quickly turn to find him once again gagging over our neighbor’s front yard. I take the place of one of his tanned hands and grab his long hair and hold it for him, allowing him both hands and the hand immediately goes to rest on the lamp on the edge of the road. 

“Feyre.” His voice is hoarse and I offer him a small hard candy Madja makes. They are wonders and can calm even the worst coughs winter has to offer. He takes it gratefully and I wait to see if he wishes to continue. “Feyre, I-”

“It’s okay Lucien. I saw and it’s okay.” I grab his arm and tug him away from that path. “Don’t go down there, those have the worst runoff ever. It’s gross.” Velaris is gorgeous don’t get me wrong, but that particular street is more of an alley and is long overdue for renovation of the little ditches to the sides that drain water and snow into the Sidra. 

“She’s your sister and she’s wonderful and undeserving of my crap.” His voice is less gravelly thanks to the medicinal candy, yet swimming with hurt. “I never wanted her saddled with me. She isn’t supposed to be my mate. I don’t deserve her. Besides, I already had… I wasn’t supposed to ever have a mate. You can’t have two mates.” 

Those last words are so soft that had I still had human senses, I might not have been able to hear. “I know. I know Lucien.” I suddenly stop and yank him down into my arms and hold him. “I know.” I hold him as he shakes, totally overwhelmed. I shoot a quick message to Rhys through the bond. 

_“I’m glad things are going well- I knew you didn't need to worry quite so much. Although I cannot imagine things seem that great to our friend- especially that his other friends want to kill him.”_

_“Yeah I didn’t get to that. He’s so overwhelmed I think that it’ll just be too much espe-”_ The words hit me and give the stars I fell in love with a smile that only they could see with him still tightly trapped in an embrace that seemed to be holding him up right. “ _You said our. Our friend.”_

_“And I shall deny that should anyone other than my mate ask so forget it.”_

_“Our friend.” I test the words out through the bond and they fit into our lives and future perfectly._

:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk review if u want imma get coffee bye


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ACOSF SUMMERY IS OUTT BABYY WHOOO I LITTERALLY CANNOT WAIT (i mean thats technically why I started writing this cause book hangovers are intense)

**Chapter Three**

:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

The mortal queens were arguing, loudly and Kybele shuddered to think of what they were planning. They’re position as high server to the one queen, punished for a mortal’s greed. Apparently a mortal girl was turned as demonstration and pillaged the icy depths whilst transforming. 

Now they were there to serve the remaining mortal queens. Despite the thick walls, lined with ash and designed to keep both secrets in and the cold out, it was no trouble to eavesdrop on their horrible plotting. The queens once again were once again discussing their alliance with the horrible Death-God of the lake and how they planned on destroying Prythian with their combined might. 

:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

“Vas,” the reborn general called as he rapped on her door, “I brought something for you.” He found himself oddly drawn to the fire cursed queen. He usually could be found half an hour before dawn with a steaming mug of heavy broth, rich with nutrients for the day. 

The door was flung open and she poked her head out, hair wet and- “Oh stop stuttering Jurian. Surely you’ve seen everything someone's body might have to offer.” He still averted his eyes as he nudged the door open the rest of the way following her. Unfortunately he must have come too early in his haste to deliver the urgent yet disheartening news and it only got worse from there. 

“Cauldron, fuck!” With one’s eyes so determandly trained on an overflowing cup of hot liquid, it stills finds a way to spill- and faster than if he had just strolled through the door as normal. The scalding fat in the stock sloshed over the rim and onto his hand. Vassa swooped in and grabbed the cup, before striding into the steam filled bathroom, hair hanging in limp strands down her back, long legs carrying a proud queen. 

“Do you want me to get a cold towel for your hand?” Her voice was teasing. He rolled his eyes but when she came back to the room she had dampened a hand towel with some of the freezing water readily available in the chilly mortal lands. “Spare me the dramatics of your masculine ‘I’m so tough’ bullshit, Jurian. It was already beginning to blister.” 

“Thank you.” This earned the general a small smirk. “So very much.” A smile began to play on the mortal woman’s lips. 

“I suppose you're here so much earlier, not just from your inability to contain your excitement at the prospect of seeing me this morning?” Her eyes sparkled with the fire trapped in her soul and Jurian rolled his eyes. “You know you don’t need to do this so early even on days that don’t start out with bad news.” 

“Considering what your days entail, I figure it is the least I can do. But there is news of the happenings in both Prythian and the continent that cannot wait. It is becoming more and more pressing.”

Her face paled at the mention of the continent that housed her captor and overlord that kept her cursed to a hellish day for her life. “Is it Him? Or my former queens? And how do our friends in Prythian play a part?”

:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

┏━ ⋅ ✦ ⋅ ━┓

**Rhys**

┗━ ⋅ ✦ ⋅ ━┛

“So? What are you thinking?” At my questioning, my mate buried her face into the pillows and pulled the covers over her head. 

“Ten more minutes,” came her muffled reply, “It’s nice in bed and I was out at night walking.” I conceded and instead settled back, content to stare at her perfect face now peeking out from under the covers, eyelashes dancing on her cheeks with each breath. 

_“Stop staring, creep.”_ I let a guilty breath huff out of me as she pulls me closer to her. At my yelp, I can feel her laughter. _“Sensitive Illryian baby. My hands are not as cold as you make them out to be.”_

 _“Oh they kind of are.”_ Her face manages to unstick itself from the pillow she had mashed her head into as she lightly smacks me with a blue hand. “See! Your hands are ice blue!” 

“Its paint!” And almost as an afterthought she shoots down the bond, _“prick.”_

“Blue, purple, pink- you would still be the most beautiful thing out there Feyre darling.” i leave a gentle kiss on her brow, and then cup her face in my hand and sing, “Wake up!” And her eyes shine with a brilliance unmatched in any world. Like a falling star from the night she first began loving me only a thousand times more radiant. 

“ I know, I know,” The very sound of her voice, content and happy, if not a bit groggy is enough to overwhelm me. How I managed to be worthy of her love still awes me. “There are things to talk about, I need to talk to Elain, you and az might want to talk to Lucien. But can we just pretend that nothing outside of each other exists for a few minutes? No tensions at the border, mortal queens of bitchiness to occupy our minds, no threat of infighting with the Illryian tribes?”

“Well now that you mention it,” I let my fingers slowly comb through her hair, admiring the way it shone in the dawn’s first rays. “I am thinking about it now” Despite the humor in my words I just look into those depthless eyes with all the love of my soul written on my face. _“Only us, Feyre darling. Only us. “_

If I could just drown in her eyes, in her for the rest of time I would. My mate. My brave, brilliant

mate. Then her mouth finds mine, slow and unhurried. As if we had all the time in the world. Just the two of us, in the soft light of dawn and nothing else exists. 

And then her head dips, tracing slow feather light kisses down the jaw and neck. By the time she makes her way down my chest, mapping out her route with slow and sweet kisses and our blood is sparking. My fingers entwine in her golden brown hair, still damp from the shower last night. I throw a hasty shield up as she begins leaving a trail of kisses lower. Achingly slow, she leaves a trail for her tounge to follow down. By the time she reaches her destination, there is a fiery desire in her eyes and her movements are neither slow nor feather light as she makes me forget all but her name. 

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**Elain**

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Across the hallway, I hurry getting dressed and splash some water on my face before I head outside. I love my sister but between her and Rhys subjecting us all to suffocating in the stench of their…. and my encounter with Lucien last night, I have no interest in taking my time to get out and tend to my garden. 

Snagging a crisp apple on my way out back, I throw on a heavy coat thats perfect for cold mornings meant for moving. Once outside, I let the air fill my lungs and set to work. Since I first came back, this activity has provided me with more than just the literal fruits of labour. 

Even on the hardest days, I find a comfort in the actions of weeding and coaxing plants to bloom. The gloves that Lucien got me turned out to be a great help for days that the prospect of the physical stimuli was too much. Then I could find peace and allow myself to think without the feeling of dirt coupled with the faint noise of earthworms moving through the soil that I still hear if I try. 

I think of last night and the male that is my mate’s voice rings in my head. Not the dry sarcasm Feyre described or the desperate anger or crushing guilt and anguish I attributed him to have in the weeks after the Cauldron. The voice last night had been raw and confused. Worst of all, hatred had laced his voice and body when he spoke to me and jumped away when I had instinctively made to hold his hair back.

_Stupid. Stupid._ I should have known better, Feyre has told me that she had broken something to Lucien that was understandably unnerving him. Still, I feared the distance I had shoved between us had ruined the chance of even getting to know the male. I knew he was, like all of us, a good… fae?... who made mistakes. My baby sister was proof of his goodness. 

Shame at how I treated her then consumes my thoughts for the rest of the time I spend on my saplings. I let my head tilt to either side, joints letting out an explosive popping before stooping to gather my things, ready to move onto the herbs I was cultivating. Nuala and Cerridwen and I loved using them, especially in a flatbread that never lasted long but drew even Amren to devour. 

“Hey,” a voice comes from a distance away paired with boots intentionally scuffing the earth so as not to startle me. I turn already suspecting who it was. His hair reminded me of a field of poppies basking in rays of golden light. I make note of that to ask Feyre- I had never seen it before and it didn’t seem like the visions I get of futures untold. “I uh I just wanted to apologize.” I get the feeling this is a side of him only a few ever see. Awkward and uncomfortable. Apologetic. “For being rude last night. For everything really.”

“Are you okay?” I don’t know how to act but he seems to be counting the seconds until he can go without blowing me off. A fair difference than the Lucien that I remember hoping to help me at any cost. Who then went off with some gorgeous brave queen when I was too blinded by grief to see him. To acknowledge him. 

And now he’s itching to get away from me. “Lucien,” I am surprised to see him flinch as I turn to look at him. Letting the loose strands of his long hair fall as he ducks his face. “I don’t know what you were told, but please, know the court has your back. I am pretty sure Feyre would kill you if you do something stupid and get yourself hurt but she- you have allies. You are not alone.” 

His mumbled reply is hard to make out before he rushes back inside, to pack and then meet Azriel and Rhys to discuss planning or something. Stunned I watch him stride across the distance in half the steps I take and am bewildered and a little hurt at how much I seem to repulse him. 

“Let him go.” I turn around and stare at my sister, “Next time please in the name of all holy good things have your little shield thing better.” I cannot believe I am saying this. Old me still gets flustered by this and died small deaths when I of all people say something. 

“Sorry,” At least she has the good grace to look sheepish and I manage a smile. “But look, it’s not you. And don’t give me the whole ‘what are you talking about, Feyre’ thing. And it’s not you. There’s some things about what he faced that might help you realize. He asked I give you the overview of this particular piece of Lucien history myself. It’s time I told you about this young female named Jesminda who he loved.”

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOSE EXITED FOR ACOSF?!! I AM?!! HOW ECXITING IS THIS??!!! wHOOOO


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so this is gonna be a bit personal but ya know what the hell  
> i had someone who died way too soon a couple of months ago and we were in love but Ill never know what that type of love would have been like with them. I just can't imagine being so open even after years to finding something close to that type which to me makes it hard to belive Lucien being so piney with no internal conflict. in addition ianthe would have messed him up and that too i guess translates into me not seeing it so fast for our fox boi

**Chapter Four**

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The day Lucien lost his mate hadn’t begun as awful. The morning held more than the crisp wind and buttery sunlight streaming through the jewel box of the Court; today held _hope_. Quite an unusual sense of it. Despite it’s incomparable beauty and the most surreal feeling of another realm in those small secret spots all fae find whether rich or poor, the one thing it lacked was content and serene in the environment. Some say it was that the Court had sucked up all of that which makes a court a court while others say the land adapted to compensate for its ruling Lord. The wife of the Lord was strong in her own way but ill fitted for such a harsh barbaric political climate. Her sons took after their father and she appeared to be a shell on most days. The one joy in her life was her youngest child, a boy every bit as kind as she was and as ill fitted to the cutthroat life a child of his status was meant to have. 

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**Lucien**

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“The necklace my mother had given me was hidden beneath her dress. It shouldn’t have been seen.” The note my beloved had replied with was simple, _we can start our life together where our story began. I will be waiting, all my love to you. Be safe._ My hands are shaking now

Two black haired heads look up from the map and papers scattered across the table, pulled out of what was supposed to be a meeting to take stock of threats still breathing down our necks. The spymaster shuffles through a copy of his papers and stares at me half dreading the information he’s waiting for. “You mean on top of all of this,” a scarred hand gestures at the stacks of papers and maps, “we have some necklace of unknown value thrown into the mix?”

“What”? No not of any real value- I mean it is invaluable but not for.” What the hell? It is not as though anyone doesn’t know my pathetic life’s story. Only made exponentially more so with each new secret revealed. “Fuck it. It’s not like it matters. My mother gave me a ring, said it was for a love worthy of the love it had been forged in. It was around Jesminda’s neck and-”

“It’s okay I get it, you don’t have to.” I keep my head bowed, unable to stand the pity that must be lining Rhys’s violet eyes but then raise an eyebrow at Azriel’s voice. Sorrow but nothing more. Nothing of what I always loathe when the conversation comes to light. The scramble for words and meaningless nonsense about how one is _so sorry_. I give Az a small glance and thin smile. Perhaps Elain was right, perhaps if I am useful enough I could help them. 

“The ring’s gone anyways. I remember my brother digging around in the severed flesh for the chain that it hung on and slid the blood soaked ring onto my father’s hand.” To this day I don’t feel bad about killing him. For what he did even after her death, there was no remorse. “My fathe- Beron threw it into the fire anyways.” 

“He knows,” Rhys’s voice was now all practicality allowing the subject to move far away from Jes. “Everyone in the Inner Circle knows that needs to, although outside of us please keep this on the down low for your sake as well as everyone’s.” 

Azriel looks to Rhys and something is agreed upon in some unspoken conversation before he nods and thanks me for the help before heading off to correspond with Cassian on the developments that I had found in my time with my little band. 

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**Elain**

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“He wanted me to explain why. It’s not you Elain.” Feyre’s voice is laced through with sorrow at the horiffic story she had told me briefly. I was okay with never knowing the details as even the barest details made me slightly ill. My heart ached at the thought of loosing… I had never had anything like that to loose. 

I had once loved my betrothed and it still hurt to think of the agony during those weeks. But he had made the choice, one that might ultimately cost him his life should Feyre gift Nesta hunting privileges one day, and despite the resentment, I still would hurt should he die. To have something so loved by your entire self be ripped away… no I couldn’t imagine. Beneath the ache of sorrow at the story and for an innocent whose only crime was love, a deeper and primal instinct raged at the bastard that did such a thing to Lucien. It was strange, how deep that went- as though I knew him well enough to be that strongly vengeful on his behalf. 

“It’s the mating bond,” Feyre’s voice was patient and kind as it always was when something about being Fae meant confused me. “Even if ignored, it still has that amplifying effect.”

“Wait a minute,” I hadn’t said anything and yet, “were you inside my head with those weird mind meld powers of yours?” 

A small sheepish grin split her freckled face and, “I didn’t have to. It was written all over your face. In bright vivid colors.” The one thing about this, is that I made a friend with my sister in a way that I never would have imagined and to that I thank the Mother and Cauldron every day. “Besides, I would never go into anyones head like that.” 

I gather my things, ready to head back in and pretend to wonder out loud. “All this power as High Lady and you haven’t the ability to create new types of plants. What is the point?” It is times like these I feel as though nothing has changed since I was just a girl holding her baby sister exaggerating everything to get her to laugh. 

As she follows me into the house, she tugs on my forearm at the bottom of the staircase. “You know its not you right? He doesn’t loathe you, he just loathes himself for having a mate.” Some part of me screams at the tratiorous emotion of relief I feel at that. 

“So should I just resign myself to the fact that one of us will always resent the other at different times? Because maybe you’re right it isn’t me per say, but he resents the idea of me. It still doesn’t change the fact that we might just flip between whether we are resentful or resented.” After everything, I am so tired of hate. By anyone about anything. 

“You want my advice?” Feyre pulled me into a quick hug before holding me at arms length and looking me over. “Just be there for him like last night. The way he would have been for you. Don’t push him because no one likes that, just be you.” 

“I-” 

“Also you have dirt all over your face and you kind of stink, you need to bathe no offense.” with a light and playful shove she ushers me towards the direction of the elaborate upstairs bathroom. 

  
  


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**Lucien**

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I meant to return to the house to pick up my bag and leave a note expressing my gratitude at their hospitality but I don’t want to run into anyone. Feyre and I are technically on _‘annoying sibling terms’_ but after I had nearly let myself weep in her arms I didn’t want to end up actually crying. Instead I find myself underneath a tree at one of the small gorgeous spots of land scattered throughout the city for relaxing as one came and went. I haven’t slept for over seventy two hours now, thanks to the fact that I had decided to stop by the manor to check on my former friend. Despite my healing powers, my ribs still ached from that as I had prioritized healing the visible wounds only. Dragging my hand down my face I examine the scarred skin before resting my chin on a clenched fist. I was always easier to tan than my brothers and I suppose now I know why. Both my mind and body were exhausted and I gave myself until the sun began to sink to sit and think. Process everything. But all my mind does is take me back to that horrible day. 

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_“What the hell are you doing here? Coming in to gloat?” My voice is barely understandable, due to a broken jaw and the vocal cords had been all but torn to shreds as I had pleaded and begged and then finally screamed. So much screaming. As my father had beaten me, I hadn’t made a sound all though Jesminda certainly had. It should have been me. It should have been me. It should have been me. Should have been me. Me, the one who was too selfish to leave her. Too selfish to hate her. But perhaps this is my fitting punishment. Perhaps she’s out there free and I am simply in hell. Absolute unending hell._

_“Come to make sure you don’t get creative and find a way to off yourself, brother.” Eris’s figure in the doorway is surprisingly exhausted but I don’t care. I don’t fucking care._

_“How?” Father chained me down and unfortunately had the forethought to lock my hands behind me.” I’d already dislocated a shoulder trying to tear open my wrist, letting my blood mix with my mate's but all it got me was another ache in the chorusing agony._

_“Do you really think he would think that far?” Eris’s eyes hold not malice or sadistic glee but something altogether worse. Pity. “ No, brother mine. That was me- gotta ensure my baby brother doesn’t bleed himself dry.”_

_My snarl is cut short as I choke on more blood entering my lungs as I inhale. Painful spasms wrack my body as I cough on it, only for more blood to ooze out of my torn throat again. “Go. Fuck. Yourself.” I manage to get this much out as I slump over once again. He just sighs and opens his fat mouth. Before he says anything, I spit blood onto his boots, his wrinkled trousers._

_“Tsk. Oh little Lucien I know what you're trying to do.” He crouches down and lifts my chin gently. I move to bite a finger off but then he squeezes and I bite down on the shriek of agony right before it rips through me. “Don’t. Stop it. Don’t be stupid.” He turns around walking towards the limp body, ripped from the head at the place where neck meets collar bones. For a moment I fear he will try and kick what used to be the most beautiful soul but merely lets out a low and horror filled whistle._

_“Get away from her,” growling I tug on the chains holding my wrists and effectively shackling me to the wall and I am unable to suppress the groan as everything screams. “Bastard.”_

_“Insult me all you want, brother. I won’t loose control and put you out of your misery.”_

_“Then. Get. The. Hell. Out.” My shattered leg gives out as I try and push my battered body up a bit more and waves of agony radiate through my body._

_Eris merely snorts and comes back to me and for a minute I am foolishly hopeful he will just get on with it and snap my neck. “Your other brothers are planning to let you escape, then hunt you down and kill you. One less contender for the tittle when Daddy dearest kicks it. Nothing personal. Oh wipe that look off your face you won’t be killed. I salvaged the ring and gave it to our southern neighbor. But first, I am going to heal you.”_

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lemme know ur thoughts and if u want to see certain ships (can't break whats already set and nothing that messes with nessian) or something lol


	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm backk b*tchess lol. thank u so so much to those who let me know what they thought and all. it was super helpful and awesome yall do be the best doe <3  
> anyways per requests ive got povs labeled and some Feyre Lucien friendship. the next chapter will probably all be them chilling and having fun with the inner circle and the beginings of seeing new friendships

**Chapter Five**

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“I wish it were better news too.” The ancient general drags a face across his disconcertingly young face. Appearing to be around the same age, yet really an ancient mortal general in the First War over five hundred years ago. It’s confusing sometimes, though we have gotten more used to it. 

“Shit.” Vassa wanted to scream at the horrible timing of everything. But her entire body ached and longed for sleep, each day the curse took a little more out of her. She wondered if it was the message she had to go back into captivity where  _ it _ held her there. Add that to the already huge pile of problems, to say the two of them, an unlikely yet lifesaving pair, would be the understatement of the century. 

“I know, I know.” Jurian paced so damn much. If Vassa was being honest, it was the thing that she had the most trouble controlling her temper about. She could deal with his insufferable mannerisms, the way he would bring her hot broth every morning to  _ chat _ of all things when so much was looming over them. But the  _ pacing _ . Back and forth, back and forth. Over and over and over again. 

“Jurian,” only a little iratible snappy came through in her voice, which she was proud of, “You will wear out the rug and then the floor and we don’t need to deal with that in addition to this latest problem with the bordering court.” 

Jurian, to his credit, took up residence in one of the high backed chairs they had tied pillows onto in an attempt to make them more comfortable. Tension ran in every square meter of his body, and Vassa wondered if any more would make him snap like one of those stretchy little bands she had seen one of the Summer fae use after the battle. She had stolen one from her stash and it now rested around her wrist. It wasn’t as though they would miss one, and Vassa found hers to be a life saver. A thing to fidget and snap against her arm when under great pressures, which had lately been always. 

“I know what you are going to suggest,” Jurian cut in before she could begin thinking outloud. Vassa shot him a surprisingly icy glare for a fiery queen. This was a look that Jurian had labeled as  _ I will smite you if you ever attempt to condescend me on topics I already know..  _

“Okay that just makes it worse.” Jurian now did this thing where he would go silent and wait for her to say something which infuriated her. “Spit it out and then I’m going to sleep.” 

“Someone needs to talk to Tamlin. He isn’t doing shit and neglecting responsibilities and humans are suffering from it. I don’t even think he knows the extent. Those patrols sent from a far away court aren’t enough and- something attacked a tiny town and  _ skinned _ someone. You need to talk to him. Talk to the High Lord of Spring now. Before it is too late.” 

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┏━⋅✦⋅━┓

**Rhys**

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“Gods dammit!” I let out a soft chuckle as I turn to see Feyre on one leg, hopping around swearing.” She glares, her eyes sparking with indignation. “You know,” she halts her now over exaggerated stumbling across the room and examines her foot, “most decent fae would help if their mate had tripped on a pile of books coming across the office. Hell, most mates wouldn’t leave crap in the way where it could kill the love of their life.” 

_ “Feyre, darling, I think you shall live,”  _ I stand up and stride over to her, “but just in case, you should kiss me.” The last words have barely left my mouth when she lightly smacks my arm. I feel her eyes rolling through the mating bond, and the gesture she sends as well. 

“You ass,” Mother above, her eyes, everything about her, “Stubbing your toe  _ hurts _ and if you don’t think so, why don’t you go kick a boulder and then talk.” I must look sheepish enough and the next words are coy. “Your going to have to make this up to me.”

She has somehow forced herself between us and the desk, preventing me from going back to work. “Oh?” I can feel a shiver creep through her body at my purr. “What do you have in mind?” 

_ “I think I have a few ideas.”  _ I am tempted to sweep the papers off of the huge office desk and let her bury me inside her right then and there- and I can tell the same thoughts are in her mind at the gleam in those perfect gray eyes, but. 

“Wait, don’t you want to go hunt down our residential fox friend and have him come to family dinner?” She huffed an annoyed and slightly disappointed look at the mention of pressing matters. 

“Rhys,” her voice is clearly trying to mimic a teaching voice yet is accompanied by laughter. “I just want you to know that I am begging you, please don’t ever bring up Lucien, or family dinners, when we’re in that kind of mood. It's weird.” 

“Wait, what are you begging for?” as my eyebrow rises, my mate’s palm arching downward to smack me lightly on the head. “Sorry, sorry.” Her laugh is brilliant and her smile more radiant than the sun. “Go, get ready.” 

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┏━⋅✦⋅━┓

**Lucien**

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“So like it or not,” Feyre’s voice jolts me out of the memories and I try to blink the stinging sensation out of my eyes as fast as possible. Or eye. Even now it’s hard to remember, first with the shock of it and then with how normal the metal contraption is to me. “I am here to get you to come to our weekly family dinner. How how lucky it is your here at just the right time. Oh wait, I made sure you came so the times overlapped. I guess you have to come.” 

I think about ways to politely decline while still staying honest.  _ Not hungry? _ It was true, I was in fact still nauseous at the memories, the thoughts still racing through my mind.  _ Too tired?  _ Also pretty obviously true. “Okay,” and as soon as the words are set free, my thoughts begin to race with worries about it. 

Feyre obviously seems to be in a great mood because she actually claps and gives this giant goofy grin that is so reminiscent of Jes’s little siblings. Oh Cauldron murder me. She tells me softly that she told Elain, offering to show me the memory, and then agrees to my proposition of an unspoken pact that tonight, is fun and it won’t be heavy.

“Why are we here?” I had just assumed that we would be going back to the manor house yet we seem to be on the wrong side of the river. Just outside The Palace of Thread and Jewels to be exact. Feyre just shrugs casually. 

“Technically we basically hang out almost every night together, but we do go to the House of Wind once a week. Right now we’re waiting for Rhys to come pick us up- I had trained and my wings are way to tired to get me up there. We’re actually there formally and before and after dinner, we play games.” She must have seen the bewilderment on my face at the notion of the most powerful court playing games and laughs, leaning against the simple railing outlining the winding movements of the Sidra. “It’s really fun- more fun than anything you can ever do. We play guess the part, where you have to act out something randomly selected- the person who makes up the things alternates between us. I introduced this game I remember some of the village kids played where we team up and hide from one another.” 

I think she could have gone on forever, glowing from the inside out and I was so happy for her- I was that she had found this kind of joy and love she had always deserved. But as I look up, the air stops making it’s way into my lungs as I take in the sight before me. 

The sun has just finished it’s arc for the day and is just about to make its way down from the sky. At this angle, it hits the House of Wind in a way that makes it shine with a light I can only aliken to what the outermost edge of a star would look like. Glowing and yet around it is nothing but the light it produces is more than enough for the whole universe. The city sprawling out from under is no exception, as if the ancient builders had planned for this moment. Every building perfectly placed to maximize the brilliance. “Woah” 

Feyre’s braid whips around, smacking my arm in a surprisingly stinging manner as she looks at me. She doesn’t say anything, not wanting to interrupt the moment. Besides she doesn’t need to. “I can’t believe such a place even exists.” She gives me a knowing smile. And then wings stir the air around us and Rhys drops into view, hovering at eye level on the other side of the railing. 

“Hey Lucien,” I must have looked startled at the casualness of his voice, unexpected but far from unwelcome. I like it. Familiar and warm and friendly. “Ready to fly?” 

Instead of answering that question, I turn to Feyre. “After you, High Lady.” She grins at me, clearly remembering the time where she tricked that evil hag and anointed herself as Cauldron Blessed. The sole times I remember of the bitch that can genuinely make me laugh. Her face as I had knelt had been priceless. As she and Rhys make to fly up, I call, “If he drops me, send my hand making some vulgar gesture to Beron so I can flip him off for eternity. Feyre cackles and Rhys laughs too, which is a bit surprising. I can actually see a night that might actually be enjoyable for once. Everything in the background fades away as I look up at the tiny silhouette against the sinking sun, feeling for once as though nothing could go wrong in the world for the first time in a long while. 

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_ In the name of all things holy, _ Kybele tried desperately to slow their racing heart beat, even out their breathing incase somehow those wicked queens might hear- but to no great success. They had known that the royalty they served had been up to no good, that the queens would most likely be biding their time to disrupt life as they sulked over how the war had ended. But they had possessed no idea just how much they were scheming. The queens were going to try and wipe out Prythian- and they were going to use an Old-God to do so. Kybele needed to get to their tiny room and try to send word. Save those who inhabit it. Or else they might all be eradicated.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> k so like here yall go once again, any sort of notes/critiques are super helpful hope yall enjoy. btw yeah the whole purring things cringey but is it really a sarah j maas story without cat noises lol


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM HERE  
> ~basically two days of school down wohoo ig- just an anouncment: updates are going to be less frequent depending on my course load that day but i pinky swear I'll do the best I can to update and write as much as possible <3  
> ~also its hot as frick in the bay and our ac broke which is also why i didnt upload two days ago when i had written this chapter so basically moral of the story- make sure your ac is okay before it breaks in the middle of a heat wave thanks for coming to my ted talk paranting is done lmao

**Chapter Six**

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**Lucien**

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“Az almost always wins at this one,” Amren’s grin is just as terrifying set in a mortal face. Not technically mortal- not compared to the humans but what she once used to be… Still a force to be reckoned with. “Hides in his shadows.”

“Technically,” Rhys cut in before the competitiveness of everyone in the room could allow him to interrupt what seemed to be the most formal event that Lucien had ever seen the group act with each other. It was odd, usually they would be totally casual especially for such powers and roles they played in evolving the future for the better. According to Rhys, the dinners at the House were the only ones in which there was an order to the events of the night. Eating, then playing, _“Like we were little children.”_ And then an afterthought , “ _it is confidential information- no one must know the night court and know how to have a good time.”_ Feyre had laughed and led me into the room, the same one as where I had first set eyes on the true Court of Night after fleeing from the Spring Court, talking about how it wouldn’t be fair as it would make everyone else jealous. 

“It’s true,” a bright red figure popped up next to Feyre and gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug, “we do know how to have an awesome time. And by _we_ , I mean me.” 

“Ah okay” I am quite surprised how easily it is for that old emissary charm to pop back up like that. “You should consult with Jurian- all he thinks is fun is work, hunting and pining over Vassa” 

And despite the genuine chuckle, Mor’s eyes rolled around in her head in a nearly comical exaggeration. But her voice was surprisingly warm. Especially science she had seen first hand what I could not prevent. No. None of those, after I survive the dinner I will let myself return to those thoughts and memories just long enough to re-stuff them into tiny boxes. “Lucien. You don’t have to act like an emissary.”

“What my fabulous friend is trying to say,” Feyre made a vague gesture that I guessed encompassed the room, “I- no one has to fulfill a certain roll or be any certain way if it’s just us. Right now all you need to do is be yourself. I mean look, Mor is looking so damn good in that signature dress, while Rhys I think is actually still wearing a sleeping shirt.”

“If Cas were here, he probably forgo a shirt entirely.” Mor’s comment caused the High Lady of the Night to snort wine up her nose as she laughed. I wondered whether or not the General would be visiting from Illryia. I always kept that small dagger he had given me before I left for the Continent with me, all though I had shipped the rest back after the battle. It hadn’t been necessary but I had needed a clean break at the time from any of the courts for a while. Cassian had sent me a note saying he had put them away for if I ever wanted them, that they were mine. 

“Oh boy,” Feyre cackled, “I truly think it would happen if Amren didn’t hold us to that small standard.” 

“We will be wearing the bare minimum of clothing, especially on these nights.” The ancient legend had popped up right behind Lucien at some point almost causing me to flinch. As I turned around, Amren was examining her manicured nails, long and sharp and grinned. “Don’t bother bowing Luci, you're fine although the thought is appreciated. How fares our little fox?” 

Feyre and Mor exchange a look, clearly trying and failing to not grin at Amren’s words. But I am entirely entranced by those hands. The nails were so familiar to another’s although the owners couldn’t have been more different. 

It was at this moment that Elain entered, Rhys flying her up with Az following shortly after. I felt light headed, so many of my worst memories assaulting me at once. The lingering wound of the female that was meant to be my mate rubbed raw- almost more painful than the initial blow in some ways. Elain’s deep eyes flashed with concern as she glanced at me and looked uncertain. Luckily it was at this moment that Rhys complained rather loudly about the lack of alcohol he had in his system. 

“You guys are constantly chugging all of my good stuff without me.” Feyre just commented on the sensitiveness of Illryian males and sat on the arm of the chair Rhys had sat at. The love they had so clearly visible, that was the love Jess and I had shared. Nothing had ever come close. I wondered if perhaps I had been wrong, that the emotions of the past years were catching up and I had misjudged the feeling in that horrible throne room and yet the primal instincts were undeniable. 

“Hey relax, have a drink.” Feyre pressed a glass of wine into my hand. Reflexively I sniff it, out of habit. The one time I hadn’t done so, more occupied by the agony that I had still felt and the unease that the place had given me, had turned out horribly. Worse than anything I could imagine. I see the members of the Inner Circle- well the ones who had been there when that heinous bitch had basically checkmated us all, whether physically at that party or not. I try for a relaxed and easy grin, befitting of an emissary, and try and make some witty, drawling comment. Instead my smile is more sheepish than anything else, if not self conscious, and all I do is mutter a quick apology for the subtle insinuation that the drink might be spiked. This court wasn’t like that, those around me weren’t like the rest of the power hungry fae I was so used to. 

Surprisingly it is Amren who speaks up, from the high backed armchair that basically swallows up her entire frame and wreathed in shadow her eyes still glow with the remains of that unworldly smoke. “I don’t blame you, boy. You were trained well and the past is the best teacher.” 

My face heats as I feel the anguish roiling in Feyre, Rhys as well as the anger in them all at the thought of what their loved ones endured. Wondering why the hell I even opened my mouth- I should have just played it off as allergies or anything that wouldn’t inevitably lead to the topic of that female’s little reign of terror. The pain I dredged up in everyone else when I was partially at fault. The guilt is suffocating.

Even so, my own self rages with the memories and the pain and fear at her hands, the sheer terror and guilt when my mother went Under the Mountain as Autumn fell and there was nothing I could do, the desperate attempts to keep Feyre safe, the rage when I saw her each night, drugged and made to dance in less than some lacy scraps of lingerie for Rhys. when I hadn’t known who he was truely and saw only the evil act of him. It was still inexcusable what he did but if Feyre forgave him, so would I. 

I rush out of the room and break into a run as soon as I was out of sight for the nearest toilet. I still remember the way and before long there's nothing left and I am hyperventilating over the basin, looking every bit pathetic as I am. 

There’s knocking on the door and I hold my breath, hoping that whichever fae it is, their ears couldn’t pick up on my weakness. Shaking, I clamp a hand over my mouth. I’ll be fine enough after a minute I just need a minute and then like a city’s worth of liquor and I can get through tonight. Leave early in the morning, away from the painful reminders of the past, maybe take a detour on my way back to the setup in the human lands. Allow myself some time alone in that little cave. And bonus, my own tongue wouldn’t blurt out stupid things that make everyone miserable. Although I suppose that is all I have ever done. And the one fucking time I could a have said just one godsdamned thing- I didn’t. Not even for a friend. Another knock and then-

“Lucien?” a female voice, not Feyre’s, not Mor or Amren. I freeze. “Lucien? Is that you?” Elain’s voice seems concerned and soft and yet rushed. 

I seriously consider staying quiet and waiting until she goes to the bathroom a couple feet away. Hopefully thats why she followed me. “You seemed upset when you ran out.” Okay I could wait for hours in here then. Sure it’s petty and obnoxious but it makes sense in my twisted and confused brain. “You don’t have to talk about it, you can’t within the next five minutes. If you even are Lucien. Look, whoever you are please hurry. The other bathroom has weapons in it, that someone drew googly eyes onto and I don’t want to go in there again.” 

And then, at that I burst out laughing despite everything. Cassian must have done that the last time he had been to visit. “Okay, I’m coming.”

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**Feyre**

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Gathered around, laughing and drawing ridiculous prompts out of a bowl to mime even more ridiculous things, I knew that Lucien was in one way or another a part of this circle. He was also awesome at this game, and for the first time I was winning thanks to my decree as High Lady he could be my partner. He had a home, the potential for the kinship he always so desperately wanted. If he ever stopped self exiling himself from any one and everyone. I understood that pain, of feeling like you don’t belong to any one enough to call them family or even a true friend. But now was not the time for that. As the food began to dwindle, snatched up to feed hungry mouths, the mood became more anticipatory. I quickly brushed off the remains of the crackers and cheeses I had devoured and popped one last fig into my mouth. 

“So, Lucien,” Rhys’s voice cut through the laughter. “I suppose one of us ought to tell you the loose itinerary for these kinds of nights.” A small part of me wanted to laugh at the startled expression on his face, although given what had happened… as soon as Elain had gotten into the bathroom she had practically shouted in my mind which folded out of my way like butter. I was seated next to Lucien, having subtly moved the room around to put the two at opposite ends. I love them both, but clearly neither is ready for that and if I can help spare them the awkwardness of acknowledging that, I would do so. 

“Hey,” Mor made to poke at him, “I don’t think this is the announcement that were going to hog tie you and roast you over a spit.” Mother bless Mor, she clearly was trying to not see Lucien's hateful older brother in him. Lucien had noted several times in private to both me and Rhys that unless stated otherwise he didn’t want to be too close to Mor, not wanting to remind her of what that bastard had done. At the time he had barely been an adolescent and was off learning and studying. 

“We play this game,” Rhys’s eyes sparkled as he pretended to frown at his cousin’s interruption, “from below- a human game I believe where we all hide and one pair has to find us. We keep the same pairing as our other little game.” 

“Wh- I’d be happy to sit this one out if you and Feyre wish to be on the same team.” Lucien’s offer was genuinely a nice one and I felt bad for the cackling that erupted and his confused face. 

“Lucien,” at least I didn’t almost snort wine through my nose this time. It had happened one too many times and Cauldron boil me it was _painful_. Still laughter carries the words despite the sincerity. “I wouldn’t have used my position as High Lady to pick partners first for no reason. I want my friend tonight.”

A fast blink of a shiny eye is barely even noticeable. Hell, I don't even know if it happened. The good natured Lucien I remember is back. “It’s no big deal- I completely understand if you want to play with- uh I meant- partner with your mate.” His face was growing a rosy gold, like Elains palest pink beauties in her garden at dusk. 

“What Feyre is not mentioning is that we decided that mates can’t team up with each other when we first began this tradition.” Amren’s voice was matter of fact and I cringe slightly at the words which weren’t quite as sensitive as the situation called for. And yet both of them look relieved. Scratch that the relief is palpable but just under the surface I also can see the slight disappointment. 

“The mind connection they have will give them an unfair advantage.” Azriel, with his way of soothing over small things like that, once again one of the better qualities. Who am I kidding? No one here has ‘best qualities’- I have always loved my family for all that they were. Not hiding or shying away from the wounds and scars of the past, the flaws. 

Mor rolled her eyes and they glimmered with tears of laughter. “No we decided that after poor Elain and I caught them not hiding in a broom closet.” Elain buried her face in her hands, exaggerating the movement only slightly but laughed all the same as Mor’s eyebrow waggled up and down in some dance. 

“Come on let’s just roll the dice. See who has to find everyone else.” When Elain and Rhys land on it a swear. They usually always find me, despite the link being completely ignored. Most likely due to the fact that usually Mor and I end up just drinking wine in the bathroom even if others were on our team. 

“Azriel you want to join our group?” Lucien seemed to notice there was an odd number. “Or I can sit out..”

“Az is the like instructor?” I don’t know how to explain. “Like you know a commanding officer to make sure we all make it back. He finds us if we hid too well.”

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**Lucien**

┗━⋅✦⋅━┛

:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

By the time we had finally decided to call it quits that night, almost everyone had wanted to be on my side for once. It wasn’t a feeling I was used to and it wasn’t entirely as pleasant as I would have thought. I felt bad for being so closed off towards Elain, I just didn’t want to hurt her. Like I have directly or indirectly hurt anyone I love. But for tonight I let myself feel just a little bit like what being home _feels_ like. 

“How the hell are you so good at this?” Mor and Feyre were basically sitting in each others laps on a tiny arm chair as they laughed. “Even Az had troubles finding the spots sometimes.”

“I uh… I guess I just got good at becoming invisible to anyone to avoid my family. I just got good at hiding from my shitty brothers or worse fath- and would go and read in the woods or something.” I say this laughingly, thinking there wasn’t anything off about that statement, finding humor in it. But the rooms gotten quieter and everyone looks… Mother above I wish someone would change the subject from my fucked up childhood and how it led to me becoming such a fucked up male. 

“Well now I don’t have to be the bearer of less than welcome news to our Lucien.” Rhys smirked as he drew sticks from inside his jacket. “My mate likes making bargains for cool tattoos and good causes. One is to visit that thing down in the library. Thats why we play and are so obsessed with having fun before the short straw gets to talk to him. Bryxais. And then we play drinking games thought.” 

What the hell? I have nothing to loose and yet I regret the words that leave my mouth. “I can talk to that thing if you want. I never have it’s only fair I guess. As a thank you for your hospitality. All of you really.”

“Are you sure Lucien?” it was of all of them Amren. “You don’t have to we just wanted you to know why someones going to disappear for an hour.” 

“I can do it.” it could confirm the truth about my heritage. 

“I’ll walk with you down.” Feyre gestured for me to follow as I tightened the strap holding a long wicked blade to my leg, hidden. Tying back my long hair. 

“Lucien?” she sounded nervous. “Could you see yourself living in Velaris?” Her tone was indecipherable. Longing though. For what, was beyond me. “You don’t need to answer now, take some time just consider it?” She lets me descend into darkness offering to accompany me further and protesting when I refuse, telling her I’ll be fine. 

And then the darkness was nothing more than emptiness. Nothing. I already felt nauseated and the fact that I didn’t even have faith I was standing or just some corporeal being brought me no comfort. And the _thing_ becan to talk. In my mind or physical it was getting hard to know. “So your the son of day, so naive some humans that call themselves friends are plotting your demise as we speak?” 

“I-” everything has stopped once again my world is reshaken and I have no idea what to do. But by then then sleep came as a soft thud echoed through this chamber. Jurian, Vassa. The ones I was supposed to trust… I am truly alone now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so basically im mentally unstable but its fine as long as characters have it worse than me so kinda i guess im subconsiouly setting up for the posibility of it getting a bit angsty with the whole under mountain crap  
> also like yeah rhys is chill but it needs to be said- its not forgivible just cause hes overall better like its still not okay and it kinda makes sense to me that it would feed luciens negative perspective of rhys cause he only knows the facade rhys puts on and then sees him roofie feyre every night and dance in a super sexualized way. i see how lucien would have thought at least that rhys was kinda a shitty dude all around  
> ~so yeah lemme know your opinion about the whole idk anything except the worst side of this dude with a brutal reputation and then i see him take advantage of my human friend and roofie her while were all being tortured to piss of the one person i think is my friend just cause he sort of treats me with like the bare minimum of decency thing and as always constructive criticism is always appreciated its super helpful


	8. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So basically that was the longest hiatus out there- French class is 100% kicking my butt so here’s a tiny crappy chapter. I wish I could say there’s any consistency in posting that I can predict cause I would love to do anything but maths.

**Chapter Seven**

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**Rhys**

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The sitting parlor is alight with a comfort and ease that was so complete it overwhelmed me still, the fullness of our family and the joy and agony shared, the epic highs we experienced together and our lowest moments. Waiting for the sacrifice as Mor called it to come back from their chat with Bryxais was always long. Whining ensued from many when we couldn’t “break out the good shit” until they came back according to Cassian. With him in Illryia, my mate had seamlessly taken up that mantle wanting to get drunk off of the best liquor in my possession. But we had decided to only have it once we were all together- besides the short straw always desperately needed to have it after their playdate for lack of a better word. 

“It is not ‘just Lucien’ come on Amren,” seeing my mate chide the infamous ancient being was a sight. Had I had any artistic ability I might have seen the way it might have been painted or drawn. As Feyre so often does though, I attempt to conjure up an image of it.  _ First Highlady scolding Ancient Terrifying Second. _ It didn’t roll off the tongue smoothly enough. 

_ “I know what would help your tongue. What I can do to help expand your limited artistic mind.”  _ As I jolt at the words traveling down the bond and settling in me, Feyre gives a wicked and gorgeous smirk. 

_ “Cruel, beautiful one. You might have to do a lot of helping.”  _ Feyre gives an indigent gasp as Mor elbows her. Whispers to her loudly, clearly having no qualms about anyone hearing. 

“Amren is right- you two need to start control that… we don’t need to have to stew in your scents.” a spluttering noise came from Elain. She wasn’t entirely used to our openness to talking about anything related to pleasure. “And better me telling you than Amren actually kicking Rhys in the shins again. He got so whiny about his leg being sensitive.” Feyre’s coughing masked my own loss at words. I’d bruised my leg the night before and Amren would never let such a thing go. 

“Does anyone know exactly how offensive it would be to return Cas’s shit to his room?” Elain laughed at Amren’s return from the toilets. Clearly she had seen his little going away present. “These… results of not getting to drink blood like normal are bad enough. I don’t need to see weapons with poorly drawn faces that stare.”

“It is rather awkward isn’t it?” Elain seemed gratified to know she wasn’t the only one who found the little band of deadly weapons propped against the wall disturbing whilst trying to relive oneself.

“The eyes do follow you,” Mor laughed as she plucked a cherry from a jar filled of the candied sugar bombs. “The fact that he made them like us even worse.” 

“He was inspired by darling Feyre and the eyes at the cabin.” I remembered those eyes, that time in the cabin. It did make for an uncomfortable time spent out in the cozy living room. 

“He used yarn for hair and little fuzzy sticks for our wings. I remember seeing him make them.” Az of course had found away to be privy to Cas’s childlike art project the night before he left. “He was so fussy about them too.”

This brought out a raucous howl of laughter throughout the group. “Sensitive Illryians and their wingspans.” Feyre and Mor snorted with laughter at each others impression. 

_ “I wish Lucien could see what we’re really like. Maybe trust in us as an actual real family. That's not backstabbing and manipulative. It would do him good to see any semblance of a functioning anything”  _

_ “Me too darling. Me too.” _

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The door was heavy and it always made a painful creaking noise as it opened. Sure it could have been looked at, even the odd lot that inhabited the house probably would be able to fix it despite having no reason to know. But the occupant of the room opted to leave as is, grateful for the warning the squeals of metal grinding and wood made. No one knew just how insane the reincarnated soul could be sometimes. Five hundred years, give or take, with nothing more than you consciousness and endless violence played out in some sick montage would do that to anyone though. 

Jurian, thankfully, wasn’t the type to scream as red filled dreams of blood and hair took him back to that time where he was nothing more than his own mind, endless and cursed. He wasn’t the type to cry out or throw up all of the contents in his stomach and then some. So long in that state had left him perhaps permanently disconnected from his body. Although no one knew that he couldn’t feel any physical discomfort, not from the somewhat minor wounds he had sustained in battles or from hunting accidents. What was now in the worst stage of a healing burn, he didn’t actually feel that intense itch that causes most to scratch at the area incessantly. He was desperate to  _ feel  _ anything and this detachedness sometimes worried him. 

“Hey,” the voice startled him and the grip he had on the small blade slipped. “The sun just went down. Look we need to talk about this whole killing our friend conversation.”

Lately Vassa had been so nagging about this whole moral crisis over the value of a single life over the countless. “Just a second then.” Jurian clenched his teeth tring desperately not to roll his eyes and say something regrettable afterwards. He didn’t blame her for the regret at the mere prospect of killing what had become an actual friend. But at least he could finally see the truth. He hastily threw on a shirt and coat- it was still freezing despite the early spring days lengthening and watery sunlight trying to melt the winter’s ice.

“I know he is a loose variable, and one we cannot afford but there has to be another solution. One that doesn’t lead to burning and eternal damnation.” in the flickering torchlight, Vassa still retained some of that daytime fire as she stood leaning casually on the opposite wall. 

“Spare me your theatrics,” Juriaan winced at the screch of protest the walls made as he shut his door firmly before pocketing the small key, “whatever hellish gods there is- nothing will be as unendurable as what that demonic redheaded bitch has done. And I came out just fine.”

Vassa opened her mouth, clearly going to protest. “I know we agreed this, but.” 

“So you agree that we see and have seen each other eye to eye on the ah subject?”

“Really Jurian? That’s childish- even for you.” Vassa looked down her nose clearly wrong in how eye jokes weren’t funny right now. She sneered at the crooked grin on his face at that little joke. “Once he gets back from the Night Court, we need to start.” Striding out of the door and into the cold, Jurian called over his shoulder, “the longer we leave him alive, the more of a liability he will be.” But the northern bound winds had carried the words far from the queens ears before she could hear. 

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**Feyre**

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I wondered if Bryaxis had maybe eaten my friend. It was admittedly taking longer than expected for him to re-emerge from the bottom most levels of the library. No one ever voluntarily would stay so long and by this time the shadowy mastiff would have gotten enough gossip to keep it satisfied for the week. 

As though Rhys had been reading my thoughts then, his amused voice almost  _ sang _ like some kid,  _ “so is the fox really so lonely he prefers that thing at the bottom of our library to our wonderful company?”  _ Electing to ignore that obnoxious little bit I turn around to Mor and whisper something about making sure Amren doesn’t tear anything, or anyone, up thanks to her crankiness at having to eat. Walking out of the main room I merely nod at my mate as I take a detour to one of the luxurious bedrooms. I hear laughing from everyone at Rhys’s haste to find any excuse to leave the room. 

“Az told me he’d let us know when Lucien comes back up- if he ever emerges from the safe little cage of his best buddy.” 

My mouth most likely had snaked its way into some little smirk that made my mate stop the conversation immediately. “Do you actually want to mention any male other than yourself right now?” We hadn’t had any time to ourselves and well our family is occupied drinking themselves into a stupor. A small pop in my ears signifying that a hard casing of air had encircled us blocking any noise from leaving our little bubble. Just as we had allowed for our bodies to crash into a sparking passion, Rhys pulled away violet eyes sparking in regret. 

“Apparently, that thing down there did not in fact eat anyone. Just managed somehow to piss off and wound the male now coming up.” I wonder for a second whether or not Lucien would be fine for a few moments given the fact that the trek up from the pit was a long one. “It doesn’t look good we need to talk to him- he says he’s leaving.” My face fell in time with my mate’s. Regretfully I allow him to lead me out and I hope my friend is okay. 

Elain is rounding the corner, looking worried. “Feyre, you should hurry. Amren’s trying to reason with him but he seems hell bent on leaving. I’m worried about what’s going to happen if he leaves.” 

Rhys’s eyes follow as my sister leads me to where we are sitting. Lucien is standing tall and proud- like his fa- like his not father. But it was clear that the only thing holding him up was that sort of anguished rage at the world. Maybe its what has kept him together for a while because to me it’’s only noticible in that the emotion is more intense. I am once again reminded of how little time I have known those closest to me. Relativity, I knew them for like a blink in the grand scheme of the immortal life. My immortal life. 

“Don’t be stupid boy,” Amren is nothing if not direct. “You will get yourself killed on some idiot quest to see who to trust more. And chances are you just might be desperate enough to once again climb into bed with the gaslighting pacifist on the neighboring side of your little hangout fort. After everything your going to let yourself- make yourself that pathetic?” 

“I would never go to Tamlin for anything, how could you even suggest?” Metal eye flashing as he spun around, I can see that soon Amren might accidentally turn Lucien away forever with a hasty, stinging remark. 

“Well every time you feel you’ve been betrayed by ‘family’ or some shit, you have a habit of letting him abuse you in exchange for some false sense of friendship.” Examining her perfectly manicured hands, Amren melry took in the way her newest ring sent spots of light around as the ginormous blood ruby caught the light. A gift from Varian the last time he had visited- made from the bounty his court had set on her head once. 

“Amren,” a firm and hard line needed to be drawn under her feet before she fully- “stop.” A nod, still so weird for one such as her to display even that much submission to another. “Lucien it was never my intention to-“

“Whatever,” Lucien looked prepared to brave the flights of stairs out of the house of wind to be done with this, “I just want to go back and see what the hell that thing down there means.” Before I could interject any defense, he walked out. 

I turn in time to see him bow to all of us and then I’m moving. Past Azriel trying desperately to become the shadowy corner and Mor pouring herself a larger than life glass of our best wine and Elain wringing her hands. “Lucien what?” 

“Don’t pretend Feyre. I get it just please at least have the decency to be honest. You were never going to tell me my only friends were plotting to kill me were you?” My indignant spluttering seems to slow him for a moment. 

“Your  _ only _ friend- what am I then?” 

“Someone who won’t just say the truth flat out.” And then he presses a chain with a modest little ring on it into my hand and disappears down the hall leaving me terrified of what might happen. 


	9. VOTE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not a chapter just not being able to not say anything cause everything i am is being threatened by president snow and umbridge???

HI PLEASE IF YOU LOVE ANYONE NOT CIS HETERO WHITE FAR RIGHT 'CHRISTIAN' PLEASE VOTE   
LOOK ITS NOT ABOUT POLOTICS ITS NOT POLITICAL OPINION ITS THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE, THEIR LOVED ONES, THE PERSON YOU PASS BY IN A CARS LIFE. THESE LIVES ARE IN DANGER AND THOSE THAT LOVE THEM WILL HAVE THEIR LIFE CRUMBLE WHEN THE THREATS THAT THE PROSPECT OF OUR FUTURE CATCHES UP. IK I COULD LOOSE SOME OF YALL AND THATLL SUCK CAUSE YOUVE SEEMED REALLY COOL AND I REALLY LIKE TALKING BOOKS BUT UH VOTE, CALL YOUR REPS, ETC. 

not all of us (me too) can vote legally but there's still ways to help. whether it's as little refraining from online shopping to do what u can yo keep the postal services all about ballots, to writing letters discussing the importance of voting plus info and dropping them off in mailboxes, calling, educating family-especially in ultra conservative trumpet lands on why this election is everything and will be in history

vote.gov   
check in on loved ones :)

sending love in this crazy time- and remember to take care of yourself too 💕


	10. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeah this is basicallly me not knowing the past 24 hours and writing this cause therapy says to so yeah——  
> but literally (i’m a basic bitch so) the energy in the country isn’t describable but I- adahhjska its yeah. throughout the country like there’s videos everywhere (tiktok like i said basic bitch) of the momentary stunned relief we all feel rn

**Chapter Seven**

  
  


**The Victory Night**

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**Feyre**

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My family is there, all in one room with an unmatched energy that I had not yet known existed. The unbridled unrestrained and pure  _ joy _ of life. The exhilaration at finally after a lifetime or two taking a breath untainted by far or near threats to the safety of love, of peace. The sheer force and gravity of the fact is more than threatening to overwhelm my being. Most of me is being propped up by the low kitchen counter I’m leaning into having needed something other to drink that the nearly unlimited stock of Rhys’s collection. Without the bond, he still almost materializes behind me still. Approaching more loudly than is natural, he wraps his arms around me and plants an almost endearingly sweet little kiss onto my head. 

_ “Come here, Feyre darling,”  _ I could spend five of my immortal fae lives with him but it won’t ever be enough. I lost him, I lost him and in those moments I died with him. A huge part of me died with him and though I might have gotten him back thanks to a beyond miracle, I still feel that horrid devastation in my soul that his absence might have even momentarily carved out.  _ “Hey what’s going on? What is it?”  _

__ How do I tell- do I voice this painful unease at the sensation of having such weights lifted from me? “I-“ Violet eyes meet mine, concern flashing underneath the feeling of life. I grab onto it again. Instead of answering right away I casually wonder if as High Lord and Lady, we should celebrate in the streets with the city, our beloved starlight Court. For indeed, every inch of the city is alight with the relief as the imminent threats of that hateful king lifts from our lives. 

Jubilee. A word I had heard somewhere in the back of my mind. I didn’t know the whole context yet in this moment, it seems the only word available to me. The way it’s said somehow matches this rejoicing world. Music and all sorts of dancing from any age of time mix in with the shouting and crying, the prayers of thanks and honor as we celebrate to honor the lives lost in the senselessness of violence the king brought to many. And the lives worse than lost, the lives changed forever in the worst ways as love was lost. 

“Hey,” Rhys’s hand wraps around mine and clasps both in his. “I know. We don’t want to let ourselves dare hope this is true. Our bodies got so used to the pressure but we are here, we live to fight another day. Though hopefully not the fight we just had.” I take that moment, the indescribable feelings of intense contradictions in my mind and let him in as the sound of our laughter twining together, mingling for a moment with the family as it makes it’s way out into the new rejoicing world flows through me. For the first time in my life, I can feel the want, the need to  _ live _ not survive for those I love but simply and purely  _ live.  _ Live to experience this high, the feeling of this night again. 

My arm stings, bruises overtop the flowing tattoos from the times i’ve subconsciously pinched myself, terrrified this was all some dazed hallucination. A product of my mind snapping as I lost after every…  _ Get a grip Feyre. _ I focus on breathing in time with my mate for an uncountable measure of time. Steady myself. “Can we talk? After? I never had this, never seen life at its most raw state, the full gift and I want my whole family right now.”

“It never gets easier these moments. When you don’t know how to take all the blessings given to us by the Cauldron right now. In this very moment your scared to feel lest you loose it, you can’t for any number of reasons but this is real. Its real, we did it.”

“This is only the beginning. We can’t celebrate yet- not before we do our jobs to help this broken hurting world heal.” There I said it. The root of my worries. That there will never be the luxury to feel all this. My eyes which had just dried up begin to traitorously sting. 

“And tomorrow we will begin fighting anew. A different yet equally crucial battle. But tonight is our night. Tonight we celebrate victory, for the privilege to wake up and do the right thing. Because we  _ can  _ and we will.” Hand in hand, I step out into a new uncharted life and am instantly swallowed up by my whole family. Finally home. 

:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

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**Rhys**

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My fingers shake slightly as I work to undo the outer flimsy seal on top of the bottle. Had I been asked less than three years ago if I could ever imagine the thought of drinking this, I would have laughed. But tonight, tonight I am completely, and perfectly, incandescently happy in a way that was novel even after my five hundred or so years. The early rays of sunlight falls in watery shafts along the worn lines of the floor. The rather large blemish from when a young Cassian and I had the particularly brilliant idea to fill a bucket with ink to gift to a shopkeeper in need who we liked and ended up staining the floor, and ourselves for a bit, as it splashed onto everything before spilling freely had been covered by a soft little rug that Feyre loved. 

“Hey,” I am floored by her brilliance as I turn, “I just got the three of them settled. Az tried to help, but Cassian couldn’t even be moved or coaxed onto the couch. Mor deadass fell asleep with a half empty bottle in hand.” Cauldron boil me her laughter- “I never understood the phrase of drinking something dry till now.” Little drops of liquid glee sparkle and suddenly my own eyes are heavy with an outpouring of salty water. “Rhys.”

_ “A thought for a thought, love?”  _ And then Feyre was cupping my face in those long painters fingers and searched for permission for a kiss. I bring my lips down and slowly let my soul settle as our lips move. “I needed courage because I’m scared to even voice these fears.” Feyre’s voice wavers as she slowly continues. “I’m terrified for you. I lost you for a second there and I got  _ you _ back but  _ I _ don’t feel like the part of me eaten by that moment is back. I look at you with more love than I thought a single being could feel for another yet… You  _ died- _ Rhys you were  _ dead _ . I lost you and I’m terrified because I know you. You wouldn’t hesitate for a moment to do that again to save any one of our lives. Hell someone you saw on the street, you’d die for and I love that in you but…” 

“But it scares you.” I finish, seeing her struggling to say it without seeming doubtful but I understand. “I cannot and will not even think about loosing you. But you got a taste of it and that makes you so fucking strong, you- we came back and we will always come back until we go together.” I motion to our matching bond tattoos. She lets a small shudder through her body come out in a strangled sob before scrubbing furiously at her face. 

“Your turn. Whats running through your beautiful, yet sometimes stupid, head?” 

Feigning indignation for a moment to hear her giggle, I breathe deep and stand, getting a small hunting knife. Thanks to Cass, there’s not a room in any house where something sharp and handy is within grasp. I break the seal and reach for the bottle opener. “This shit is right from hell. I don’t remember how I got this bottle but some time before I started seeing you painting, seeing hope I promised myself that no matter what I needed to hold out. To not give in to the growing urge to give up, see my mother, my baby sister again if only to spite that bitch. I was going to drink it one night that I knew nothing but pure and absolute happiness unsullied by any threats of Hybern or such. And now, now we drink.” My mates eyes were soft and pained but she just waited patiently then took the bottle and gulped some down forgoing the glasses too. I know that the chances she would use any after all this time with Mor was next to zero. 

“Then here’s to freedom. Freedom of content and full mindful happiness. Freedom to fight for a future.” 

:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

**Present**

The death-god of the lake was growing weary of this. Tired of his stupid queen being so far away. Tired of the way she leeched a small siphon of his immense power like a little parisite. And an annoying one at that. He was the type to want a hundred percent of his full power yet when even the tiniest loss of it, grew well cranky. But more than he hated it did, those around him loathe these times. Kybele was no different. Also permanently filled with an irritated terror at the way the entire world seemed off and wrong around these times. They would do anything to get out of the position. Yet they seemed to be needed where they were by the former queen of the lake. So they stayed and they feared in vain. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so basically the last four ish days have been:   
> -ELECTION plus me getting steadily more passive aggressive especially on my instagram in response to some deep south yeye family on it saying ayo basic rights over cults  
> -destial becomes canon in the worst way nearly killing me and everyone else who grew up since like fourth grade watching it/on superwholock tumblr (please say i’m not the only one)  
>  -mishas like pouring his heart and soul out in confessing cas’s undying love and jensens just like 😐 no homo tho right and the pain   
> -sherlock season rumors????!!!  
> -WE MADE IT 💙   
> -also anniversary’s of the worst parts of life for me soooo ✌️ we vibin but yeah writings saying 📉- this is no plot line chapter only hating on trmp but making it acotar  
>  -ohhh officially being stalked by my ex thats bordering on a full blown erotomanic obsession   
> -anyways reviews again are always so helpful lemme know what ud like in the writing, where grammar from chapter says no etc :) much love yall


	11. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i’m back bitches- sorry for the super long hiatus also i totally loathe the stupid fucking snapping turtle bitch ass and everything that comes of mitchies weird turkey waddle of a throat🙃 so yea basically the first month of the year i’ve spent reading, writing, and watching democracy be undermined in so many different ways its a nightmare but i do have plans for posting more and such

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**Present**

The death-god of the lake was growing weary of this. Tired of his stupid queen being so far away. Tired of the way she leeched a small siphon of his immense power like a little parisite. And an annoying one at that. He was the type to want a hundred percent of his full power yet when even the tiniest loss of it, grew well cranky. But more than he hated it did, those around him loathe these times. Kybele was no different. Also permanently filled with an irritated terror at the way the entire world seemed off and wrong around these times. They would do anything to get out of the position. Yet they seemed to be needed where they were by the former queen of the lake. So they stayed and they feared in vain. 

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The queen was growing weary. Each night brought more hurt and less comfort as she became herself. Each morning, the transformation into the dreaded curse burned less. She hadn’t told her ancient companion, fearing to even acknowledge the fact herself. Her greatest fear since her fellow queen's betrayal was that one day she would fall asleep whilst the sun still shines and she would awaken in darkness still burning. She hadn’t slept yet despite the exhaustion transforming caused her but the days were getting longer still and she was so tired. Flexing her long, scarred fingers she groaned softly hoping not to wake anyone up. Even in the darkest hours of night, her terror at the horrible prospect of losing her humanity was enough to keep her up despite the heavy suffocation of her life. Gods she just wanted sleep. Opening the small window just by the headboard of the mountain of blankets she called a bed, she breathed in the freezing air that filled her room. 

And then the door banged open and Jurian stormed in eyes slightly filled with that manic look. And Vassa knew there would be no sleep tonight as she took in his frazzled composure, the tightness he carried. 

“Jurian! Knock!” Vassa’s fingers scrambled to draw a blanket around her as she bolted upright. Her entire body thrummed with nervous energy anticipating the worst, its complaints secondary to the irrational apprehension to whatever the news Jurian brought. 

“Vassa, no one cares!” Haggard and weary, the ancient general seemed to be a spirit going through life imprisoned in flesh rather than whole. Time and dread and memories were cruelly chipping away at the both of them. 

The death-god she was bound to as little more than the most recent jewel on a bloody crown could recall her any day, and the only thing they managed to work out for when that day came knocking is the knowledge their friend would be nothing but a potential unstable threat and needed to be put down before her time ran out. Something was very wrong with Jurian, a detached wrongness emanated from his person. Most likely the price of spending centuries going mad as nothing more than a consciousness of agony and horror filled sights. Or from being reborn from the severed bone and seeing eye by a maniac wielding the origin of life itself. Not knowing whether it was exacting a magical toll or something else did nothing- no one could be trusted on principle and the chances of anyone having a clue as to what these unprecedented issues were less than none. 

“Somehow our planning and worries of what will happen when you are returned to the mainland reached the nosy ears of the Night Court. The obnoxiously righteous one in charge of everything who will do anything to protect their own. The Court of Nightmares likely would help us or at least stay out of it.” 

Stupidly, so slow and stupidly the first thought at the new turn of events was,  _ “Lucien isn’t ‘their own.’ We’re the ones who have stood by him as friends, as the now broken Band of Exiles.” _ Sometimes, usually prompted by one of those condescending eye rolls, the cursed queen hated her companion. 

“Save it Jurian,” Vassa figured she might as well get dressed and groaned, twirling her finger in a short gesture for him to  _ tun around now _ . “I know what we have to do you can save your speech.”

Jurian looked, for all the world, like a preening bird with its feathers ruffled. Not that he ever preened. But he was visibly tense and unable to hide his annoyance as he adopted a bored, drawling tone that nearly sounded as good as the current busybody High Lord of Night. “Anywho, Vassa dearest, I do hope your convictions have not wavered. Or are the humans no longer the priority when faced with a fantasy ideal of friendship and love.” 

“If you doubt me so much, Jurian, then let me have the killing blow if you must. I am, as always, loyal to the human states and the inhabitants first and foremost. The fae, while more decent and good than previously thought to be are always a factor with the capacity of inflicting misery on us puny humans for their own sick entertainment.” Vassa felt a pang knowing as well as Jurian, that Lucien too had experienced the cruelty the fae were capable of when bored. Jurian had been at the mercy of it for centuries as nothing more than a consciousness trapped in an all too real hell. He had witnessed what they did in that charlatan court above the wall. 

Stalking out of the room, Vassa paused too croon into Jurian’s ear, “I don’t know how to convince you to believe me but perhaps I’ll show you one day.” Letting that human part of her sink back she laughed at the way his head jerked down as she walked off. The burning of her soul had nothing to do with her curse as its only another cruel irony the old hag loved. 

If you had told her years ago, she would have been the object of desire to the legend all children loved to hear whispered to them at night, the hero and the fallen warrior admired by her people she might have laughed. It was not possible. But here she was now and all it did was complicate everything. Vassa knew taunting him wasn’t fair to anyone yet it seemed to be one of the only reliefs for the worry that had curled at the base of her sternum and burrowed in. Besides, she had to go find a way to successfully kill her friend. 

:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

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**Lucien**

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The thing about belonging to no one and having no place to belong gets exhausting sometimes. When I first ran from the Autumn Court, the only thing I could remember was despairing agony, yet under there was the feeling of being let out and freed. The problem then was the freedom was meant to be shared with the female who was always supposed to be my mate. Without her, reeling from the loss and horror of that day in the throne room and then subsequent killing of my brothers to start my path of vengeance, I gladly became Tam’s emissary and then friend. It made sense, we both were stupid and utterly alone in the ways that matter, desperate for friendship. But he had never wanted to be High Lord and I never felt home amidst the cloying, sweet scent that forever invaded the senses.

And then it had all gone to hell. A brutal takeover and violent powergrab.Then forty nine years of hell as Tamlin withered under the pressure of being responsible for the fate of Prythian and everyone in it. As he let everyone go from the manor until it was just us and the highest of aristocrats and guards. Those that didn’t were eventually taken to the mock court the bitch held in a once sacred space. The unlucky ones were sent to the camps around where the most unspeakable horrors were a daily happening. I had taken all the food and medicinal items I could and snuck them in. The things I saw, the things Andras saw when he had gone for me…

I suspect that Tamlin was always a bit stung by the fact that I had always had more in common, a better rapport with his guards. That we all were closer in many ways to each other than him. 

I am nearly certain that Feyre is biting her nails again. Hesitating, my conscience as her friend wants to go back, a twinge of guilt over being part of all of the stressors life might offer a high lady. A high lord. Holy hell. The reason I had been singled out from my brothers by the extent of power each of us possessed. But not because they were threatened by my claim to Beron’s throne. Not really. As the sole heir to one of the near legendary solar courts. 

Walking, holy  _ hell _ is this place inconvenient to get to, seemed like a blessing compared to the sickening feelings that flying brought up. Even if it meant going down so many stairs the world seemed to blend into a senseless blur. The tediousness of each step allowed for my mind to absorb everything. 

Then-  _ “by the cauldron, does Mother know? Is my mother aware of my true parentage or is she oblivious?”  _ I think they might have said something about this yet I hadn’t been able to really hear anything by then. The past seventy two hours had been absolutely insane. All I wanted was to sleep off the confusion these past few hours had brought. Confusion was dangerous, leverage for the memories to seep out and escape the place in my mind they resided, locked tightly away. 

:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

  
  


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**Feyre**

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“Does someone want to tell me why the hell this absolute  _ bastard _ is doing in my court?” Something I suppose I learned about myself is that when some over inflated ego of male decides to come to the home of people who he hurt- him thinking his pathetic excuse for showing up could manage to warrant his arrival and at this hour… 

“I suggest you say what you came to say and then get the hell out, Eris.” My mate’s politician voice carried out over the crowd, urgent yet so bored. “Just because we may have somewhat of a mutual loathing for your dreadful father doesn’t mean you are welcome here.” 

Eris gave a small smirk, amused at the mention of his father, that quickly turned cruel and playful. “But perhaps,” I brushed my hand against Mor’s in quiet reassurance that she could throw Eris out on his ass any time she felt as he prattled on, “ perhaps you should invite me to stay for a drink. After all as of last night, well things happened on the Autumn court border that might happen to be of interest to you.” 

Rolling her eyes, my friend stepped forward, still regal despite the fact that she hadn’t even bothered to throw on proper clothes and instead opted for an extravagant flowing dressing gown that nearly could have functioned for some fancy robe from a far off place. “Maybe you better speak now. We have businesses to attend to that don’t involve overly long periods of time fraternizing with the likes of you.” 

“Well seeing as how the animosity between us has much to do with our past little.. issue, Morrigan, I wonder-“ 

Surprisingly, before Azriel could continue beating Eris into a pulp, it was Amren that all but materialized in front of Eris and hooked those long fingers into his shirt and yanked him bodily down to meet her flashing eyes. “One more wasted word spent insulting and taunting my court will end with your balls being fed to our menagerie of prisoners. Also your tongue being ripped out and strung out on a string filled with blood rubies.” Running her long red manicured nails down his face till they rested on his lips she whispered something else to him softly.

“Please Amren, hes not worth the rubies,” Mor’s face began creeping upwards into a grin. “Unless of course he happened upon a certain self enlightenment last night. Please tell me you realized the right course of action for your court is to kill your father, those idiots that worship him and you that you call brothers, and then yourself. It would solve many issues if they went away.” 

Eris’s entire face looked somewhat appealing, as though his stupid expression was calling my fists to go ahead and smack that stupid smirk off his face. 

“I suggest,” the cold annoyance of my voice began matching the pounding behind my temples at the moment, feeling the effects of little to no sleep and worrying over so many things.The last thing I wanted was to entertain this male before me despite how interesting I knew it would be to watch my family tear the bastard apart. “I will give him an audience of five minutes to speak and then he leaves. I suggest you use it well Eris.” 

“As I was mentioning earlier, I do believe there is one of my brothers you lot don’t want killed.” A twisted look crossed over Eris’s face at the way any humorous pretenses dropped as he continued, “I do think a repeating patterning is happening. This might serve as record that this time I am telling you so you might want to act quickly. Especially you Morrigan, prevent what nearly happened to you from happening again and all.” And then he left before we could question him on any more information. Absolute fucking bastarad born son of a bitch. Another mostly sleepless night and day and now we had to figure this stupid riddle out. Although it wouldn’t take a genius to come to the same horrible conclusion my mind was racing towards. We needed to find Lucien. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so sorry there was a bunch happening that delayed updates. between insurrections and impeachments, incompetent teachers that suck, and even shittier mental health its been a hell of a first month. hopefully the rest of this year is boring and nothing like 2020. in the time i wasn’t posting cause it seemed in bad taste considering, i did do writing and i mapped out the story for this one. and i tried to fix the ending but yea sorry in advance anyways love you and any editing/requests would be very much appreciated


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